Fear of fear.... this is the central issue related to Monophobia.
Most of you will have heard of Agoraphobia and Social Phobias but many have not heard of Monophobia.
Monophobia is an acute fear of being alone and having to cope without a specific person, or perhaps any person, in close proximity.
This 'closeness' might mean in the same house or flat or even in the same room.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autophobia
Monophobia is characterized by extreme insecurity, anxiety and depression when the individual suffering has to be alone, even for short duration. As a result, s/he may refuse to sleep, eat or even go to the bathroom alone. People suffering from Monophobia are often unable to do many simple tasks that most can do easily.
The fear of being alone also leads to difficult relationships as others do not understand what they are going through.
Monophobia is often seen as part of the Agoraphobic cluster. According to research, there are no particular personality differences between Agoraphobics and members of the general population. 'Fear of fear' (fear of a panic attack) seems to be a component of the Agoraphobia (and a major part of Monophobia), but there are many other factors that lead to the avoidance central to the disorder and not all Agoraphobics experience panic attacks.
People with Agoraphobia typically suffer from a 'cluster' of phobias as mentioned and Monophobia may be one.
Agoraphobia tends to reduce self-confidence and the belief that activities can be carried out alone.
It can be a short step from here to a belief that being alone at all is not safe.
A person suffering from Panic Disorder might also believe that he or she will die or collapse or do something terrible when panic strikes and this too might make having a trustworthy person present seem as if it is essential, so leading to Monophobia.
It can also be further complicated by distressing health experiences, eg epilepsy, past falls, stroke, heart attacks.
CAUSES OF MONOPHOBIA
The fear of being alone can occur due to various reasons. As with most types of phobias, the origins of Monophobia can often be traced to the individual’s childhood wherein one might have had a frightening experience. Long term stress, anxiety, bad relationships, poor housing and other socio-economic factors can also lead to Monophobia.
It has now been established that most anxieties and phobias occur in people who have less well-developed strategies for coping with difficult situations in life. Children raised by anxious relatives/parents are also more likely to suffer from the common kinds of phobias. They inherit the anxiety which makes them react negatively to stressful situations and events.
A person suffering from the true fear of being along is also likely to lack confidence and belief in the fact that activities can be carried out alone. S/he feels that having a trustworthy person along at all times is essential and failure to do so could lead to death or her/him acting ‘out of control’ when panic-causing situations arise.
SYMPTOMS OF MONOPHOBIA
As with other types of phobias, the fear of being alone also triggers several physical and emotional symptoms:
Physical symptoms:
Feeling unsteady, experiencing lightheadedness or dizziness
Feeling of choking
Rapid heart rate, palpitations or pounding heart
Sweating
Chest pain and discomfort
Nausea or gastrointestinal distress
Trembling or shaking
Numbness or tingling sensations
Other symptoms
Inability to distinguish between reality and unreality
Fear of dying
Fear of losing control
Hot/cold flashes
Fear of fainting
TREATMENT FOR MONOPHOBIA
1. Learn how to do breathing exercises and meditation to reduce your level of anxiety, practice daily.
This visualization exercise can help:
Find some space to relax and focus on extending your out-breath a few times to let your body begin to relax. Then close your eyes and begin to visualize yourself taking an evening to yourself, alone and relaxed. Notice in your mind watching the kinds of things you can do or the way you just are relaxed, comfortable, and contented. The more you do this, the more you train your mind and body to automatically and naturally notice how much calmer you become about being alone sometimes.
2. Try and identify the cause for the fear
As above, growing up with very anxious parents maybe a contributing factor
Someone may have had parents that would punish them by leaving the house for hours at a time.They may have feared they'd been left or good.
Consciously, as an adult, although they knew that they were safe enough when alone, but their unconscious mind still felt the same way as when they had been a powerless child.
Sometimes being alone had been used as a threat or punishment in childhood. Sometimes people equate being by themselves, even for a short while, with 'abandonment'. Some people feel like they "cease to exist" when not around others and believe that they can only define themselves as a human being through association with other people.
Some people have just never learned how to enjoy unstructured time by themselves. Many of us use 'artificial company' to mimic a sense of not being alone: TV, Internet surfing, listening to music. But for the being alone phobic, it's the reassurance of real company they crave.
3. Wean yourself off constant company
Like any overwhelming need, craving constant company can start to feel addictive.
Start overcoming your fear of being alone by taking walks around the block with someone. Halfway around, start walking home alone. Wait 5 minutes for her them and then increase that time to the point where, eventually, you can walk home alone.
Start off small and gently increase your periods of 'independence time'.
Take a fifteen-minute walk and sit in a park, ask people to leave you for ten minutes. Bit by bit, you'll find you can increase the time span and thereby increase your confidence and self-reliance.
4. Overcome fear of being alone through distraction
As well as plenty of breathing exercises and meditation regularly, start off small and gradually increase your tolerance for alone time. What would like to do, is there perhaps something you always wanted to do.
Being alone can enable you to do things you enjoy alone because you can avoid interruptions.
After a while, you will find that you don't always have to "fill your time" when alone.
Being alone is just a physical description of a temporary state, whereas being lonely describes how we might feel. People can feel connected to others when they're alone and at other times feel lonely in the company of other people.
Being alone is more a state of mind than anything else.
5. Work on your social life
As you recover from 'monophobia', make efforts to arrange social events, call friends up, and really enjoy the time you spend with others.
Without all that fear and desperation, you can enjoy yourself confidently.
6. Self talk.
"This is a fear but I will beat it."
"It is okay for me to feel afraid but I am safe."
"I have the skills to beat this and will use my breathing techniques"
"I am a strong person and will win this battle."
7. If you are able to get a pet, they can be very therapeutic.
HOW TO SUPPORT SOMEONE WITH MONOPHOBIA
As with any anxiety disorder, people with Monophobia cannot be talked or bullied out of their problem. The anxiety is not trying to cause harm, it is mistakenly trying to help: telling them, wrongly, that they are in terrible danger when alone. This anxiety does not have a lot of sense to others, it is operating on the intellectual level of a young child rather than an adult and the way to prove to it that being alone is not dangerous is by experiencing the fact, not talking about it, as with a child.
NEVER make fun of them, although you may not understand it, their anxiety is very real to them, not providing support can make them feel more alone and amplify their situation. Offer to support and help them with gradual, graded exposure.
You will need patience, their fear is inbuilt, has usually been there a long time and will require a slow process to recover.
SUMMARY
If the above steps prove totally impossible and the persons perceived anxiety is too high, then one on one therapy and/or medication might be needed. Please see a medical professional.
For information on counseling that I offer, please visit:
http://www.valkeenalifecoachaustralia.com/
References:
http://www.anxietycare.org.uk/docs/fear_of_being_alone.asp
http://www.uncommonhelp.me/articles/overcome-phobia-of-being-alone/
